“After the affair I questioned EVERYTHING. If Jessica was late, a text sounded weird, her phone was sitting somewhere different, my brain was already 20 steps ahead. Dr. Luke was the first person who made me realize I was trying to make the fear go away by getting more answers from her, but no answer was ever enough. We still talk about what happened obviously, but I'm not turning into Sherlock Holmes over every little thing anymore lol.
Matt & Jessica
Ages 38 & 38 · Married 14 years
After an affair“Ryan was NOT doing this with me 😂. Like absolutely not. So I started the program by myself and quit trying to convince him. One of the biggest things I learned was to stop trying to manage his reactions and work on how I was showing up instead. A couple months later we got into something that normally would've blown up and I just didn't do my usual crap. He looked at me and goes, "okay what the hell was that?" That's how he ended up getting interested.
Ryan & Megan
Ages 34 & 31 · Married 8 years
Starting alone“Rachel and I could start fighting about dishes and somehow end up arguing about something from 2019 bahahaha. It was ridiculous. The part of the program about emotional safety made us realize neither of us were actually listening, we were basically sitting there waiting for our turn to explain why the other person was wrong. We still bicker, we've been married 16 years, but everything doesn't become World War 3 anymore.
Adam & Rachel
Ages 40 & 35 · Married 16 years
Constant arguments“If my wife Lauren was quiet I assumed it was me. If she said it wasn't me, I still assumed it was me hahaha. I could get reassurance and somehow need more reassurance an hour later. The program helped me see how much I was making Lauren responsible for calming every fear that popped into my head, and taught me how to settle myself before I went looking for another answer from her. I honestly didn't know how exhausting that probably was until I stopped doing it.
Daniel
Age 41 · Married 15 years
Anxiety & fear“I used to say I just picked shitty men lol. Which okay, sometimes yes. But doing the program by myself made me look at stuff I really didn't want to look at too. Saying yes when I meant no, apologizing because somebody was mad, then secretly being pissed because I felt walked all over. The boundaries part hit me hard because I honestly thought keeping everybody happy was just me being easygoing.
Ashley
Age 29 · Married 6 years
Starting alone“Kristen had heard "I'm gonna change" enough times that eventually it meant absolutely nothing coming from me. Can't blame her. I kept treating addiction like I needed more discipline and Luke kept asking me what I was trying so damn hard not to feel when I drank. Did not enjoy figuring some of that out hahaha. But that was the first time I stopped only fighting the drinking and actually dealt with what was underneath it.
James & Kristen
Ages 46 & 42 · Married 19 years
Addiction“I thought I was over what happened to me when I was younger because I didn't talk about it anymore. Apparently ignoring something for 20 years is not the same as healing it lol. The program helped me connect it to sex, trust and even why I felt weird when my husband was genuinely loving toward me. I also liked that it never made my trauma my whole identity. It was something I could understand and work through, not who I was.
Sarah
Age 35 · Married 11 years
Abuse & shame“I cheated and then somehow got frustrated that my wife didn't trust me yet. Yeah... sounds pretty stupid when I actually say it like that. Dr. Luke called me out on how focused I was on whether she noticed I was changing. I wanted credit way too fast. I had to stop trying to convince her and just be different long enough for her to experience it herself. Hard pill to swallow.
Eric
Age 43 · Married 18 years
After an affair“I seriously thought healing meant eventually nothing would trigger me anymore. Nope lol. I still get pissed, anxious, hurt, all of it. The body and nervous system stuff in the program taught me what to do before I react, which sounds basic but apparently I had no clue how to do that. Now one crappy feeling doesn't automatically hijack the next six hours and become my wife's problem.
Alex
Age 27 · Married 3 years
Anxiety & fear“We've been married 34 years so trust me we know exactly which buttons to push hahaha. We could hurt each other with about six words because we knew where every old wound was buried. The program made us look at how much sarcasm, little digs and eye rolling had become normal in our house and how unsafe that made even a basic conversation feel. We've had harder conversations since starting this than we had in years, but they don't feel mean anymore.
Linda & Robert
Ages 59 & 65 · Married 34 years
Constant arguments“I thought this kind of stuff was a load of crap. I really did. My wife had done therapy, books, podcasts, all of it and I figured this was just another version of that. Luke doesn't baby you though and I respected that. He pointed out stuff I was doing that everybody else in my life had gotten used to tiptoeing around. About six months in my wife said, 'you don't react like you used to,' and I remember thinking... well shit, maybe this actually did something.
Greg
Age 52 · Married 28 years
Starting alone“My first marriage ended horribly and I brought WAY more of that into my second marriage than I wanted to admit. If my husband did anything remotely similar to my ex, my whole body basically went here we go again. The program taught me how to slow that down and figure out what was actually happening right now versus what I was expecting to happen because it happened before. My husband probably deserves a medal for those first few years honestly lol.
Maria
Age 45 · Married 7 years, second marriage
Anxiety & fear“Finding relationship help where we didn't have to spend half the time explaining being a gay couple was like finding a F***ing needle in a haystack. We weren't looking for "gay relationship coaching." We were fighting about money, sex, family and feeling unappreciated like everybody else. Dr. Luke never made it weird or treated us like a special category. He just helped us deal with OUR relationship. That was refreshing as hell.
David & Stephen
Ages 37 & 44 · Married 12 years
Constant arguments“I kept ending up with basically the same guy in a different body before I met my husband. Seriously hahaha. The program helped me understand why certain things from growing up felt 'normal' to me even when they were absolutely not healthy. What I liked is it didn't turn my childhood into an excuse either. It was more like okay, now you know where it came from... what are you going to do with it?
Emma
Age 31 · Married 5 years
Abuse & shame“Blending our family sounded way easier before we actually had to do it. Kids, exes, schedules, money, everybody having an opinion about EVERYTHING. Somewhere along the way Elena and I stopped being husband and wife and basically became two people managing a small corporation lol. The program forced us to actually talk about what we wanted our marriage and life to look like again instead of only talking about what everybody needed from us. We were a lot closer to being done than either one of us wanted to admit.
Carlos & Elena
Ages 48 & 46 · Married 21 years
Constant arguments“We're both engineers so naturally we tried to logic our way out of every relationship problem. We researched EVERYTHING. There may or may not have been spreadsheets involved hahahah. The funny part is we could explain exactly why we were fighting and still have the same damn fight the next week. The program was the first thing that really got us looking at what was happening in us before the words even started instead of just giving us better sentences to say.
Tom & Rebecca
Ages 42 & 41 · Married 17 years
Constant arguments“I'm not gonna lie, my first thought was... a man is gonna tell me about my marriage?? 🙃 Sorry Dr. Luke. Then I kept having these 'oh crap I do that' moments. He got me looking at my people pleasing in a way nobody had before because I genuinely thought being easygoing was one of my GOOD qualities. Turns out there's a difference between being easygoing and being scared to have a boundary.
Brooke
Age 33 · Married 9 years
Starting alone“Y'all I blamed alcohol for damn near everything. And yeah, alcohol WAS a huge problem. But the program kept making me look at why I needed to shut my brain off every night to begin with and that was a whole different conversation. Danielle had been begging me for years to actually deal with stuff instead of saying I was fine. We went from talking about divorce every few months to actually liking being around each other again. Wild difference.
Marcus & Danielle
Ages 36 & 36 · Married 10 years
Addiction“Best money I've spent on myself in a long time. Luke's from Iowa, Idaho, Indiana... somewhere with an I, hell I still don't remember hahaha. What I do remember is him telling me stuff nobody else would say because everybody around me was trying to be nice. Sometimes I didn't need another communication technique. I needed somebody to go "Mike, dude, YOU are doing this."
Mike
Age 55 · Married 30 years
Starting alone“I legitimately thought empathy was saying 'I understand' and then explaining why Allison was wrong hahahah. Apparently no John, that is not empathy. The program made me realize how often I was listening just long enough to build my rebuttal instead of actually trying to understand what she was saying. Allison still gives me crap about that one. Fair enough.
John & Allison
Ages 47 & 44 · Married 22 years
Constant arguments“I'm a therapist so naturally I came into the program analyzing the program instead of actually doing the damn program. Occupational hazard I guess. What surprised me was how practical the emotional safety and nervous system work was. There were several lessons where I stopped thinking about my clients and went... okay, I do this too. That was probably more humbling than anything.
Raj
Age 44 · Married 13 years
Anxiety & fear“We'd already been married 46 years when I found out about the affair. You'd think after that long nothing could really shake a marriage anymore. Wrong. I wanted every detail, then I'd hear something and wish I hadn't asked. The program helped me figure out the difference between information I actually needed to rebuild trust and me basically hurting myself over and over trying to get certainty. At our age I never imagined we'd be learning how to be married again.
Walter & Patricia
Ages 73 & 71 · Married 52 years
After an affair“When my wife said she needed space I absolutely lost my shit. Calls, texts, paragraphs, "can we just talk for five minutes?"... yep, all of it. Luke was the first person who made me see that the stuff I was calling 'fighting for my marriage' probably felt like pressure as hell to her. He got me focused on what I could actually change instead of trying to force another conversation. Weirdly, that's when she started talking to me again.
Brian
Age 32 · Married 4 years
Anxiety & fear“I'm 68 years old and really thought I had myself figured out by now hahaha. Nope. I have spent most of my life keeping everybody else comfortable and calling that love. The part of the program about boundaries has been interesting to say the least because my family was VERY used to me saying yes to everything. I'm still learning how to say no without feeling like I've committed some terrible crime. Wish somebody had explained this to me 40 years ago.
Dorothy
Age 68 · Married 46 years
Starting alone“We were three years into marriage talking about divorce which felt embarrassing as hell because everybody kept telling us these were supposed to be the easy years. Not helpful by the way. The emotional safety part of the program was when it clicked that both of us went straight into defense mode the second the other one sounded irritated. It finally gave us something to DO besides somebody telling us to 'communicate better.'
Jacob & Kaylee
Ages 25 & 24 · Married 3 years
Constant arguments“We survived raising three kids, job changes, deaths in the family, money being tight, all of it. Retirement damn near got us though hahahah. Suddenly we were together ALL the time and arguing about stupid stuff neither of us cared about. The program made us sit down and talk about what we actually wanted our life together to look like now. We had planned for retirement financially and somehow never planned for being married to each other in retirement. Kind of important.
Ronald & Susan
Ages 66 & 60 · Married 41 years
Constant arguments“I came in with a whole list of things my husband needed to fix. Like an actual list lol. The program never told me the stuff he was doing was okay, which mattered to me, but it kept bringing me back to what was mine. My reactions, what I was tolerating, where I had no boundaries and then got pissed because he crossed boundaries I never actually set. Annoying answer at first. Probably the answer I needed.
Melanie
Age 42 · Married 20 years
Starting alone 
